I don’t know.
“ ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” (Isaiah 55:8)
During the last election, a campaign person called me to ask who I was voting for. It was my first real election as an adult and I told her honestly, “I don’t know yet. I’m going to pray about it.” She sounded disgusted, and I wondered why it was such a crime to actually acknowledge God in all my ways, even the seemingly obvious political ones. As an individual and a culture, sometimes we pride ourselves on having the right answers at all times. The discomfort of silence is so unbearable that we would rather say the wrong thing than choose to refrain. You can just watch people around someone who just lost a loved one. The aversion to wise silence is astounding.
This season is teaching me that sometimes the most “saved” thing to do is admit I don’t know, especially when it comes to God and the position He takes on our human dilemmas. Some things are absolutely as black and white as the font in our Bibles, but others are not as explicitly stated. Sometimes I think I know what God wants and then the opposite happens. Did I hear wrong or did the flawless God make his first mistake (I can give you a hint)?
It can get really confusing to try and predict each move God will make, which is why there is rest in the conclusion that His ways are not my ways, nor are his thoughts my thoughts. Sometimes I simply can’t know with absolute confidence. I even wonder if there is danger in always assuming we completely understand what God wants to do in a situation. This false assurance can result in some pretty radical actions. Remember when that disciple cut off the ear of a soldier, only to be rebuked by Jesus himself (Matthew 26:51-52)? I’m sure he genuinely thought he was doing God a favor. Even Samuel, an anointed prophet almost chose the wrong king (1 Samuel 16: 6-13). He had to be so in tuned with God and unmarried to his own understanding that he was able to make the correction. History is full of people who thought they were running with God’s will, only to be proven wrong (American slavery, anyone?).
Today, I concede to the truth that while on earth I can only prophesy in part and understand in part, but when I see Jesus, it will all be clear. Today I leave room to acknowledge my human error.
Prayer:
Lord, I surrender my understanding. I admit I don’t know! I need you to guide my every move. Have mercy on me when I get it wrong, and humble me even when I get it right. Everything I understand is only by Your Spirit. Help me to stay near your heart so that my mind becomes more and more aligned with yours. Ultimately, have your way. In Jesus’ name, amen.
