Church hurt.
“Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat.” (1 Samuel 1: 6-7)
Satan is nothing if not cunning and smart. I believe this is why “church hurt” is so prevalent. If he can create such an adverse experience in the one place that can bring freedom, he can separate you from the true source of everything you long for. Can you imagine every time you go to church, someone provoking you and poking at a soft spot until the point of not being able to eat? It’s absolutely the enemy’s doing. Now, in some versions of the Bible, Hannah’s sister-wife is referred to as her adversary or her rival. This is important to note because although I can put a face and a name to the person causing me pain, I need to always remember that it is the enemy at work in them. Always remember your adversary is not the one you can see, but the one who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy.
What’s ironic is that Hannah was favored in the area of food-provision, and the enemy provoked her to the point that she would not eat. Have you ever been favored in an area but the devil tries you so much that you can’t even enjoy the favor? More food, but provoked so she can’t eat. God gives you a clearer voice, but silenced by shame and guilt from your past to the point that you are afraid to use that voice. You get the relationship of your dreams, but you become plagued with comparing it to other couples on social media and can’t find contentment. The devil is a liar! I wonder if Hannah began to associate the temple with torment, tainted by the experience of being provoked every year at the same time.
Oh, but there is so much value and beauty in Hannah’s story! Her breakthrough actually happened in the very place that had been the setting of her pain, and God did eventually answer her prayer and give her a son (1 Samuel 1:20). What was the key? Loving God more than her pain. Hannah kept coming back to the temple year after year, enduring the taunts of her adversary. My sister, do not let the devil run you away from God no matter how bad it gets! You may not be able to shout with joy and pretend it’s all good, just like Hannah could not bring herself to eat. It might be all you can do to bring yourself to church and pray silently. But whatever you do, keep coming back. For your God is faithful; He will not test you beyond what you can bear.
Prayer:
God, I love You enough to keep coming to meet with you. Even if they hurt me. Even while I’m growing weary in waiting. I know You’re the only one who has what I need, so I will be back. Every year, every month, every week. I might look crazy to others, and I might be judged. But You gave me a desire. So I’m going to be here until You come through. I’ll do what You want me to do. I’ll go where You want me to go. Even if You don’t do it now, I’ll be back. Please strengthen me in my waiting. I believe that what the enemy meant for evil, You alone can use it for good. I thank you for the provoking. It only makes me want this more. I love You. In Jesus’ name, amen.
